But who the hell invited you here? Was the timing of being locked in my tiny bathroom with 25-30 other plants just a happy accident or are we looking at a conspiracy? The dog is your inside man, isn't he? I knew he was feeling neglected and jealous but did he stop and think about how much God damn time this is going to take to deal with? Counterintuitive much?
I've seen these guys just on the end of the stems the last few days, didn't think much about it, I was excited they were doing something new. Gee, hoyas are so full of surprises, it's great. I know they weren't all over like they are now because I ran water over all of them as I brought them in… purposefully working around these little orange things because I don't want to disturb whatever magic is happening there. But I got most of the leaves at least sprayed top and bottom even if I didn't set eyes on every side of every leaf.
I'm sad, I've been collecting since 2019 and these little fxers are my first pest/disease. I can't say I've never had anything anymore.
Ok tell me what to do. Or I'll tell you I have a nice shower with good water pressure planned, after that I'm getting oiled up with some neem oil/dish soap/water concoction, then I'm showering and oiling up every other plant in the bathroom (I CAN FEEL THEM CRAWLING ON ME), paying super special attention to the compactas, then I'll spray down the rest of the house and do the oil thing to them, but before any of that I think I'm going to order a billion ladybugs on a rush and bomb the house with them when they get here. So now tell me if this is correct, spraying down over 275 plants, then spraying them all with oil, wiping down where they all were… with what? Something that kills aphids? Weak bleach solution? Vinegar? Clorox? Hand sanitizer? Burn the whole house down? This would be easier if I could go to Walmart and get a billion aphids now, they'd handle it. Fxck, am I going to have to do the whole thing again in case eggs hatch, like when you treat for fleas? I need a hug and a beer. Does anybody just have ladybugs for sale to walk in and buy, like pet stores or anything? I'd really rather they do the heavy lifting. I'm already exhausted and disgusted just from thinking of dealing with their nasty 🍑s. How did this not happen until I brought them INSIDE? They had all summer to have fun, out there all spread out from each other, but instead they wait until there's 28 of them stuffed in a room about 6' x 10'ish before they jump out like, "Hi" with little nasty orange twinkling jazz hands with twinkling fingers going twinkle twinkle like tiny microscopic stars, just pleased as punch to be here, on my fxkn plant that I love, it's my best, most impressive Hoya. Aren't they supposed to go for sick, weak, or dry plants? It's the fullest, it's in a self-watering pot and it's not empty, and her little arms are sticking straight up, see in the picture she's like 🙆♂️ only straight, not resting them on her head like some pansy, and unlike a lot of other hoya's arms so that means she's strong, she checks zero of their boxes and should've been the last one to get assaulted by aphids, so wtf.
I'm hitting post now, I'm sorry for rambling but I'm not taking time to clean it up, I need to make sure what I need to do first. I'm so mad like seriously I wasn't busy 2 days ago, they could have called and we could've set something up a bit less cramped than my bathroom. This is very unsexy. I'll feel them crawling on me for a week minimum.
by CrudeAndUnusual