This is their 3 year anniversary. It may not seem like much, but they changed my life.
In 2021, I finally got out of a horrific toxic marriage…but I had nowhere to go. I was on disability and in a bad place. My family offered up the dark dank basement living space at my grandparent’s old place. It was riddled with brown recluse, wolf spiders and black widows. They were in and under the furniture. And let me tell you, being exposed to the thing your frightened most of over and over again…can turn your phobia into trauma. Exposure therapy?! Pfft.
There was only one window that was usable, short and high on the wall above the sink. No sunlight fell on it. The foundation was cracking everywhere. The walls were painted concrete bricks and old wood paneling. Spiders even lived in the stove. The outdoors were so infested with wolf spiders that when the first cold winter night arrived, I found 5 huge wolf spiders crawling underneath the garage door into my space AT ONCE. It was like an army of creepy nightmare beasts coming to infest my nightmares. I screamed, I vomited, I cried.
On top of all of that, I had a creepy bigot uncle who lived upstairs who had no friends and had never had a relationship (he’s in his late 60’s).
He called me a GD wh*** and other fine language descriptions because I’m a lesbian and the thought of me disgusted him. I was afraid of him. He’d sneak down in my space until I put up cameras.
So, with the divorce and my living environment and already having C-PTSD, major depression, etc…you can imagine my despair living there. I felt so alone. I was 40 years old living in a terrifying basement and unable to sleep. Spiders were everywhere. I was living in hell. I tried to get rid of them, but they kept coming. Shower, under the drying dishes, crawling over me while watching tv. And some of these were venomous.
I had one best friend, but they were doing heavy drugs. My ex was manipulative and was lying to our mutual friends but I refuse to defend myself when I’ve done nothing wrong. So I sat there…lonely, isolated and wanting to end my physical self.
Okay, so – the plants: I never had a green thumb. I killed every plant I bought and was ever given. Even cacti.
I just never took the time to really learn about indoor gardening.
So here I am, lonely and stuck in a dark lifeless dank basement with one tiny web-infested window that I could barely see out of and that no sunlight hit…ever.
My loneliness turned into this need for life. So I bought some plants. I thought it’d help the space feel more fresh. I put in all this research about how to take care of plants in low light and got ones that were easier to keep alive.
As the months went on, I developed a deep attachment to them. I started talking to them sweetly and gave them names. If I saw one turning the tiniest bit yellow or brown or getting spots…I would panic like it was a sick pet. But I kept trying at it. I finally felt love for these little green guys. I saw them struggling to grow…just like I was. I couldn’t love and take care of myself then, but I could do that for my plants.
There was no sunlight, so I got grow lights. I’d treat their roots and leaves with soft tender care. I gave them fertilizer to grow stronger. And as I helped them grow…so did I.
Eventually I met the real love of my life, and both them and I – have never felt safer, warmer or more loved.
So while it’s silly because it’s just a few plants, I wanted to share that they have made it 3 years. I get so excited when I see new growth and can tell when they are happy and when they are sad.
It changed my whole perspective on indoor houseplants and why some people had so many.
I also better understand communication and our connection with nature.
So happy 3 year anniversary… Charlie, Jack and Alex. Thanks for helping me grow too.
by TheRandomSquare
1 Comment
Congrats!